Until When?

It’s been a long time since you stumbled, 

    Been a long time since you started to let those tears get unhold.

You seem don’t even remember the last time you smiled genuinely

     And don’t even bother sharing a glimpse of it again perfectly.

No one knows your pillows soaked in sea of tears

    But worst is, you yourself is unaware of getting drowned from your riverflow of unexplained sorrows and fears.

You decided to respect your process of grieving and healing

     Even so, you feel still stuck from the beginning.

Again, your soul is in astray

    Always thinking to go through again to everything as before day by day.

You’re losing hope and impatience gnawing your whole

    Until when you will let your self caged in a life full of pain, desolation and holes? 

Time Always Pass But Some Things Are Not

     Eventhough our eyes definitely met, he pretended not to see me. I can understand if he was taken aback or flustered, but he just really had the gaze of looking at a complete stranger. There must be things that time cannot heal. Time has gone by like this. But it still hurts. 

Memoir15: 10.23

It’s bleeding again..

All she thought it’s good now.

He came back. It’s like the same old times. Athough it’s forbidden, he’s here. She didn’t expect that it still hurts. Losing a hand in the midst of a battle caused her to freeze for unknown period of time. It’s like she was betrayed by her own self.

She miss everything…everything.

She miss and badly needed a hug from him. All she wanted was to be wrapped in warm arms.

She feels empty…



Yet, she must survive.


No matter what words I might say and write, still they won’t be enough to express the feeling of and describe the gangrenous wound you’ve left. The deepest hole, greatest impact, highest shock I’ve ever felt in my existence.

Still I hope and pray, that writing would be a great way of getting through this unimaginable pain. Even as slow as a snail as long as I get moving, I know I will overcome this mountain.


I am here.

You are there.

Might say we are like the horizon.

Never will have the chance to suffice and meet each other’s longingness.


Love Amidst of Absence

I will keep her in my heart no matter how much it hurts, until I die. Because even if it hurts I can love her. More than not being able to love and remember my daughter, I would rather love and remember her. 

Private NivlE: A Sunrise and A Sunset

He was everything to her

    And might be still.

But he doesn’t know

    Because she’s now choosing her feelings to be killed.

She’s aware it’s not her fault

    But him.

That she knew that even if she continue to treat him as her everything

    And make him her king

    Just the same, he will leave her hanging.

Once, he’d been her sunshine

    But never thought he’d also be her dusk rushing.

It’s true that he’d been her sunrise and dawn

    However, he’s also her sunset and equilibrium’s downfall .


Differences to Secrecy

      He was filled with so many secrets with me.

      Did you leave him because you detested the secrets?

      Secrets are made because people are different. Because you                 would have to not get caught being different. That’s why that             secret, in the end gives each other wounds. The person who is       hiding something and the person being hidden. They all get           hurt. That’s why, if they both are different, in the end you can’t       go together. Any way, you know that you would only be giving           pain to the other.

      Would you be able to go together just for the reason that you love that          person?”.

Faith in an Unfortunate Love

     The heaven that we will go to after we die…will be the same place. If perhaps, we get to meet in another place I wish you would be you and I would be me. That way I can recognize you. If we do meet again you are you and I will be me. I promise, even if we are to be born again, I will find you, meet you, and protect you.